Session Five: Week 19

Tuesday

We got right down to the business of cutting our play tonight. We reviewed our cutting “policy” – essentially, if we don’t need it (and if the person playing the part isn’t really attached to it), we cut it. We need to be able to perform our play in about an hour and a half, and that necessitates some pretty ruthless cutting.

One woman, who is in her third year and has grown to love this process, has already made many cuts to her own lines. We applauded her for this and encouraged others to do the same. We decided also to table any cuts that affected people who were absent.

Although some group members were hesitant about this at first, by the time we left everyone was working together to stay involved in the decision-making. This has always been how it goes – we move slowly as new members get acclimated to the process, and then we begin to cut rather gleefully. It’s an important part of our process even if it’s a bit lengthy and repetitive because it is so empowering – we own the script; it doesn’t own us.

This is our story, and we’re making decisions together about how to tell it.

Friday

Tonight when we circled up, one of our ensemble members shared with the group that she had had a very bad day and was upset and anxious about something that is happening in her personal life. Nearly everyone in the group had had an experience like the one she spoke of, and we took some time to offer words of comfort and suggestions of how to manage her anxiety, such as breathing and meditating on a “safe place.”

When she had calmed a bit and said she was ready to work, we did, continuing with our cuts. When she began to seem anxious later, another ensemble member sat beside her and quietly talked to her while the rest of us kept working, respecting the comforting that was happening in our circle.

We continued to work together to sort out the necessary text from text that is repetitive, unnecessary, and/or potentially confusing to the audience. This meant that nearly all of the scene in which Iago jokes with the people waiting for Othello was cut – the word play is complex and will most likely be lost on our audience (perhaps on any audience), and we weren’t comfortable with it, so most of it was cut. “It’s not about us,” said the woman who is playing Iago, “It’s about the audience, and I don’t want to lose them… I want to say what I’m doing, how and why, and I don’t want to give more words than I have to.”

Most of the women are now eager to lighten their workload by cutting their own lines. Nearly everyone is taking the suggestions of the group, while the group is being respectful when people stand their ground about keeping certain lines. A debate broke out about whether or not we need the Herald’s speech that leads into the “party scene,” and we tabled it for the time being so we could move forward. Certain things don’t crystallize until we get on our feet, so we feel all right about making this first round of cuts, knowing that more will likely be cut as we go.

A few members of the group are frustrated by how long this is taking. It’s a very dense play, so it makes sense that it’s taking longer to do these cuts than it has in the past, but I suggested that everyone take a look at her own lines between meetings and make cuts so we can move a bit faster. This suggestion was well taken.

We did a bit of improv, then, returning to an old game with a new twist – playing what is normally a two-person game with three people. This was a lot of fun. We moved on to a really great game that Kyle taught us at the beginning of the year, and it was great to see how comfortable everyone is with it now, and how good we’ve gotten at it.

Session Five: Week 18

We decided to stick to our plan of playing games through the new year. I introduced a new game, with the caveat that it might lead to potential triggers, and I asked if that was okay with the group. First off, we decided that if something came up, we’d let each other know. Then one ensemble member said she was okay with triggers because she feels safe in the group again. Many ensemble members vocally agreed with her.

The first game we played was very silly and allowed everyone to have a good laugh during a very tough time of year. Then a few ensemble members said they’d like to try a game that wasn’t necessarily funny. I then led “Real to Ideal,” a Theatre of the Oppressed exercise in which we look at a real situation, then what it would ideally be, and the possible transitions between the two. Our first situation was a hostile workplace in which a tyrannical boss was lording it over co-workers. An ideal version of this showed the co-workers pointing out their good work to the boss, and the boss smiling and encouraging them. We determined that, in order for the situation to change, the workers needed to stand up for themselves and have empathy for the boss, who wants productivity above all. The boss needs to also have empathy for the workers.

We then decided to try this in relation to Othello (since some ensemble members were itching to get back to Shakespeare). They chose Iago’s “put money in thy purse” monologue, in which Roderigo is won over and thoroughly cowed. What would it take to change this dynamic?

“It would take a change in conscious thought,” said one woman. “This guy is just full of crap, and I’m gonna do what I think is right.” This, she reasoned, would decrease Iago’s confidence.

In the play, we wondered, why can’t Roderigo advocate for himself? Some think it’s because he’s naturally a follower, although others lay the blame on his naiveté. By and large, we don’t think he’s stupid. “He wants something, and Iago can get him what he wants,” said one woman. Some called this a “deal with the devil,” and we drew parallels between this and Emilia’s thought that she would cuckold her husband for the world. The play seems to be full of such bargains.

Then the conversation expanded. “Don’t you think that this setting, with NA and AA, makes you more empathetic to these characters?” said one woman. “The prison journey helps you understand people better – you become self aware.”

There was general agreement. “I’ve been the manipulator and the manipulated. When I was the manipulator, I never thought people were stupid – I just thought I was really good,” said one ensemble member. “This is why I wanted to do Othello,” said a member who was in the group last year, “So people can learn from its messages.”

“Do you guys ever feel bad when you admit you were the bad points of these characters?” said another woman.

“Absolutely,” replied a longtime ensemble member. “I feel so close to Roderigo because he’s ruled by his heart. I’ve been that person, and it’s sad.”

“It makes me aware of how I used to behave, how I behave now, and how I’m gonna be in the future,” said the woman who had posed the question.

“Iago is a sick person,” said another woman. “Maybe he’ll go on a journey of self discovery in prison.”

Another woman had doubts. “This kind of sickness is like TB – you can go get better, but it can hide out and come back, like addiction.”

This led us to wonder about what happens after the play’s end. “You could do a whole play on Iago in prison,” said one woman excitedly. “If Iago went to prison, he’d never change because he’d be like everyone there,” said another.

Our plan for next week is to make the first round of cuts to the play. Some people are eager to do this, and others are nervous. This usually starts out awkwardly and quickly becomes a lot of fun, so I’m looking forward to it. It will be good to get back to work on the play!

Session Five: Week 17

Before we got going tonight, a couple of people spoke with me privately about their feelings after casting the play last week. Some of their feelings were echoed later in the circle by other ensemble members – that the way people made their decisions led to perceived unfairness, and that we need to take a hard look at our casting process to refine it moving forward. I suggested that we process this for awhile and see what solutions we come up with for our year-end wrap up – the rawness that some are feeling now would likely cloud our judgment and lead to conflict.

Before we gathered in a circle, the ensemble member who turned in her book last week appeared in the doorway of the auditorium and beckoned me over. “I’ve been feeling really, really bad,” she said. “I’ve been crying and sad ever since I quit.” She said that she’d called several of her friends and family on the outside to talk it out, and all of them suggested to her that she come back. A former group member who was released earlier this year was particularly strong worded with her, reminding her of another member’s history of not getting the part she wanted three years in a row, and staying with the group nonetheless. This ensemble member hadn’t realized that, and it made her think. “Really, what it is, is I’m a spoiled brat,” she said, smiling a little. She’s decided to stay with the group, believing that this new perspective of not getting exactly what she wanted will teach her something important and give her an opportunity to grow. “Shakespeare has been such an important part of my recovery,” she said. “I don’t think you even understand how much.”

I’m ecstatic that she’s back, and I’m particularly thrilled by her reasoning for returning. Since she joined the group four years ago, this woman has come a long way in terms of her communication and conflict resolution skills, and her openness to others’ feelings and ideas. Although I know she’s learned a lot already, her strength in coming back humbly and open to not having a named role (at least for now) is just worlds away from where she was in the beginning. She shared all of this with the group as well, and everyone seemed happy to welcome her back.

What with some group members feeling burned by casting, and the holiday season being incredibly hard on everyone, we decided to take a break from Othello and play games through the new year. This proved to be a great distraction and a movement toward bonding everyone together again. We laughed a lot, getting better and better at working together in the moment – which is precisely why we spend time learning to improvise. “My head hurts from laughing,” said one woman (Jessica). That’s a rare thing this time of year.

All in all, we seem to be on the road toward having a cohesive ensemble again. Those who, thus far, don’t have much stage time will take a heavy hand in directing, knowing that we generally lose 2-3 people before the performance and they are likely to have an opportunity to step into a named role down the line. 

Session Five: Week 16

Tuesday

Tonight we finished out the play, tagging in and out as we went. While the ensemble members continued to be generous with each other for the most part, offering to take turns in many of the roles, a bit of a good-natured battle ensued between the women who want to play Emilia. They tagged in and out frequently but with humor, which was great because we got to see so many people reading the role.

The energy of the scenes was not lost as we moved through them, even with brief hiccups as people stumbled over unfamiliar lines (and the ensemble encouraged them to keep going and not apologize). One woman who was playing Desdemona in the final scene said, “When Emilia sings the willow song, it made me so sad. I wanted to cry even though I was dead.”

We then handed out our anonymous casting ballots, and each person found his or her own space in the room to vote. Ballots were folded in half, turned in to the facilitators, and tucked away in my folder. We chatted a bit as we waited for the last votes to come in, mentioning how important it is in an ensemble like ours to maintain composure – whether feeling happy or disappointed – when the cast is announced, so as not to hurt one another’s feelings.

A few people were absent, so we won’t have a final vote until Friday. The jury is still out on how we move on after that. We’ll decide that when we get there.

Friday

Tonight began by collecting the last of the votes, and the group played a new improv game while I tallied them up. I asked whether they would like me to post the cast list or announce it, and they chose for me to announce it. I reminded everyone to try to think “ensemble first,” and to try to keep a “poker face” with their reaction if possible to avoid hurting one another. They did both of these things very well, though some people were obviously (and understandably) disappointed with how things turned out. I reminded those people that we need to always think of our casting as fluid – it is likely that those who have “smaller” parts now will need to step into “larger” roles if we lose people prior to our performances.

It was difficult to move on from this – people obviously felt awkward and needed to decompress. We played improv games the rest of the night, getting back to a place of ease and comfort with one another. We’ll get back to Othello next week.

Things seemed to have gone pretty well, but one longtime ensemble member pulled me aside as everyone was leaving and turned in her book. She said that she was extremely disappointed in not having been voted into a larger part, given she’s been in the group for four years, and she feels that overall her attitude is not ensemble-first, and that may be detrimental to the group. I made sure she knew what a valued member of the group she’s been, and told her that she’s welcome to return at another time if she wants to. It is sad to see her go, but she’s made remarkable progress since I first met her, so at least we were able to say goodbye knowing she’s gotten what she needed from the group. 

Session Five: Week 15

Tuesday

We began tonight with a discussion about which parts everyone is interested in playing, as well as a conversation about how we are going to do our casting. We have talked about doing more formal auditions than we have in the past, as there was some conflict last year when we had an open discussion and “blind” vote.

There were varying opinions on the matter. A longtime ensemble member said, “I don’t like the idea of an audition because a lot of people don’t have time to prepare and give it their all. If it’s not broken, don’t fix it.” Of course then several of us reminded her that the way we did this last year does need adjusting. “I’d like to audition because I’ve never done it, and then we’ll really feel like we’ve earned our spots,” said one woman. “What if the audition is optional, and if you don’t want to, you can just talk about why you want the part?” suggested another. “We’ve seen so much of each other – we know each other so well at this point. It would be quicker not to do it,” said another woman.

We kept going round and round, and it was clear that there was not going to be group consensus one way or the other, so we started suggesting compromises. The one we decided to roll with is to move through the entire play, utilizing our “freeze” style of exploring, and having only people actually interested in a given role tag in and out for it. That way, we can think about casting while not putting unwelcome pressure and stress on the people who don’t want a formal audition. It may not be perfect, but that’s what we settled on. We believe we can get through the entire play by the end of next Tuesday, at which point everyone will vote anonymously in writing. Anyone who is absent Tuesday will be able to vote Friday, and we’ll have our cast after that.

After we had gone through Act I, we had time to chat. One woman who had had an especially bad day but showed up anyway, said,“I feel so much better. I’ve been trying not to feel like Iago, and I feel so much better now.”

Someone mentioned how exciting it was to see a woman who hasn’t gotten up much volunteer frequently. “You said show what you’ve got,” she said, “So I’m showing it, ‘cause I really want a part. I signed up for a lot – somebody’s not gonna want something and it’s gonna come right to me!”

Before we left, I asked the group how everyone was feeling. “It’s amazing,” said one woman. “Even though we’ve read it so much and keep doing the same thing over and over, it just keeps getting better.”

Friday

We spent the entire time tonight moving through the middle of the play, “freeze” style. We made great headway and got to see some wonderful work from a lot of people. People are being very generous with one another, offering each other chances to get up and explore rather than monopolizing a given part.

The give and take is great, and so is the passion and energy that each volunteer is bringing when she reads. One woman who has been fairly quiet but signed up as being interested in a number of “major” roles volunteered frequently, which is quite exciting.

The group is getting antsy to make cuts so we know the script we’re actually working with, but we are waiting till after casting to do this, as people may have lines they are very attached to, and we don’t want to cut things only to add them back in later.